Ranting, Raving, and Peace!

First I must apologize for the lateness of this post. I had quite an unusual Friday afternoon and it afforded me the opportunity to spend it with the hubby-needless to say I chose time with the hubby (so hard to come by these days) over posting. Please forgive me. Second, I must thank a dear friend for her sweet text making sure everything was okay when I hadn’t posted. I can’t tell you how much that kind of support means! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Third, I need to vent a little. As a recap, Thursday’s post was quite short because I was a little befuddled. Well no more. In fact, today my thoughts are clear and quite honestly I’m perturbed. So I apologize in advance for the ranting and venting that is about to take place but as this blog has become my voice in a sense I feel like it is the perfect place to let some of this frustration out and I feel like some of you will be able to relate to it, if not at least understand where I’m coming from, and at the very least just be an ear to listen.

So, to the point. Thursday after I posted I got a phone call from my hubby informing me that it was going to be yet another late night at work. The man has been working RIDICULOUS hours recently. One night last week (maybe the week before) he got home at 4:30 in the morning-I’m not making this up. Most weeks he’s working 60+ hours. To make it worse, Thursday night he didn’t even come home. That’s right he spent the night at the office working on a project that had to go out yesterday. As if the hours weren’t bad enough, it’s worsened by the fact that all too often it seems like he’s the only one in the office working that hard. To take it a step further, he is paid a salary. What does that mean? It means all those extra hours he’s working is basically free labor for his company. To take that a step further a guy that recently left the company to join another firm has just been “rehired” by Michael’s firm to work overtime. No, not to come back and work the normal 8-5 (he still has his other job) but to work after hours and weekends getting paid time and a half to do what Michael is already doing-for FREE. As if all that wasn’t bad enough, one of the reasons Michael is so swamped is because the guy left in the first place. Now, I understand the need for work, working long hours if it’s required, etc…so why am I ranting? What is my problem? I LOVE this man. He is my heart and soul. When his heart hurts, mine hurts double. So my problem is this: I see the stress, I see the frustration, I hear the complaints (there are other things but in today’s day and age you never know who will read this so SOME discretion is necessary), I know the hurt and my heart aches. I’m way more protective of him than I am myself and far more than he is of himself. To make it worse, there is nothing I can really do about it but be supportive. But how am I supportive when I don’t really support what’s going on in the workplace? I just smile, love on him, reassure him, and attempt to keep my chin up for both of us. In fact at 9:30 Thursday night I had the dog loaded into the car along with food, clothes and a pillow and was on my way to his office. I can at least be supportive in that manner. I got a bit emotional (go figure, me, emotional-NEVER, haha) because it just kills me and then on the way home I heard the new Rascal Flatts song “I won’t let go” and hearing the chorus of that song made me BAWL…it sums up our marriage and our relationship beautifully:

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
If you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won’t let go

Even putting these words here now make me teary because I know-regardless of the situation-my husband would be by my side, drying my eyes, helping me through and fighting my fight! He’s such an INCREDIBLE man. Some of you know our story (and for the rest of you I’m sure I’ll share it soon) and these lyrics do a beautiful job of explaining what 6, nearly 7 years, has looked like for us. So when he struggles, you see, I want to just step up and fight his fight, but I know this is one that I have to “stand by his side and help him through” with instead. Way easier said than done. What I want to do is march right into his boss’ office and complain-much like a mother goes to the principal’s office when her kid is being bullied! I just want the best for him. I’m so over protective. I’m also a bit selfish. All those hours he’s spending at work means he obviously isn’t at home with me. In the past week I’ve gone to work, worked my hours, gotten home and then been by myself for at least 4 hours before he ever made it home. Then we get 2, maybe 3, hours together and it’s time for bed only to get up and repeat all over again the next day. This also (referring back to one of my earlier posts this week) makes me have even stronger feelings of “what’s it all for”. I know work is necessary, I know, I just feel like sometimes what we don’t get done today will still be there waiting for us tomorrow. Needless to say, once I picked him up from work yesterday at 3:30 we made our way home and straight into bed (he slept hardly any Thursday and because he wasn’t home and in bed I didn’t sleep well either) for a nap. After nap time we decided what better way to end the week than to let someone else cook and clean (a bit of a change from our normal routine) and we hit up one of our favorite places-a little Mexican restaurant we found within the first week of moving into the house.

This brings me to a whole different rant (one that I’m ashamed to admit, seriously made me feel terrible, but has motivated me all the more). As we were leaving the lady at the front asked me when I was due. Granted, when we were leaving the house I stopped by the mirror to check myself out and thought “this shirt definitely looks like it was made for maternity wear” but it is a super cute shirt and I love it. Let’s just say I’ll NEVER be wearing it again until I am pregnant. But seriously, who asks that? I wanted to reply “we just lost it” or something equally terrible to make her feel as bad as she had just made me feel. Sadly, I had just started feeling comfortable with where I was and knowing that change was coming. It was just so frustrating. Stupid shirt. And, stupid b***h lady. In my mind I know that the shirt played a lot into her asking me that question (I mean it does the tie around the back thing and everything like preggo shirts), but her question upset me for 2 reasons: (1) I’m NOT pregnant but deep down would love to be right now-but the hubby isn’t ready, and (2) she basically issued the ultimate “fat” joke. Now, I wasn’t going to post this. This obviously is something I struggled with. But, as you ladies (the ones of you reading this most frequently, anyway) are some of my BEST friends in the world I feel comfortable (well not really but sorta) sharing this pain with you. Regardless, I’m not going to let the stupid comment of one ignorant lady (seriously, who asks that any more)get me off kilter. In fact, I’m going to use it for extra motivation. Michael is off playing Frisbee today which generally would mean I wouldn’t work out because we have been doing it together-NOT today. I’m taking the dog for a run on my own and doing our p90x shoulders and arms by myself. It’s like I said in an earlier post, no one else can do it for me-I have to do it for myself. And that’s what this whole journey is about-ME!
Thanks for being my shoulder to cry on. Seriously it does a soul good to just get it out. Until next time: good eats!

Friday food breakdown:

Breakfast was yet another bowl of oatmeal with blueberries, banana, walnuts, chocolate chips and syrup for 8 points. This is super yummy and RIDICULOUSLY filling. Try it out.

Lunch was leftover sweet and sour pork with rice for 8 points.

Snacks included a pickle, an apple, and 1 T of chocolate chips for 2 points.

Dinner included chips and salsa (8 points) and a new dish which was a culmination of chorizo and flank steak. I’m not exactly sure on the calculation (and have no clue how to look it up) so I’m breaking it down like this (based on the dining out book): chorizo 6 points (the book-in the Mexican section-says 1 link is 12 and I had nowhere near 1 link and I didn’t even finish what I had) and flank steak (3 oz cooked is 4 and I have no idea how much I had so better safe than sorry) for 7. I didn’t have any of the beans, rice, or tortillas served with it. I did have my first coke in a month and it was AMAZING. My favorite thing ever is coke with Mexican food. So, coke for 6 (again, no idea but rather safe than sorry) points. This makes dinners total 27 (I think it was probably less but I’m going with it) which means I was 16 over and into my extra points. It was super yummy and so worth it. Every once in a while you just have to treat yourself!